stress

Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. - Hans Selye

You might be wondering, why are most of these posts about stress if the 21 day challenge is about setting and reaching goals?  It’s because the number 1 reason people give for not being successful is …. you guessed it, STRESS. 

So finding ways to reduce stress and increase our stress relieving and resiliency strategies will help us reach our important goals that are often left to linger on the back burner.  One way my stress was relieved today came in the form of an email and an act of kindness.  A client typed out the quote I was looking for from her own copy of “the little book of stress relief”.  And so in order to pay that act of kindness forward I will include it here in this post. 

First, what if our bodies were programmed to withstand or experience a set number of stress reactions over our lifetime, and when we exceeded that number, our bodies would be overwhelmed and pack it in and die? The idea has a certain logic to it. Think of a car motor. After a certain number of piston thrusts, motors just wear out. It’s not all that big a leap to think that our bodies have a finite capacity as well–after so many heartbeats, so much wear and tear, our time would be up.

The second part of the theory is that each of us has a different capacity to withstand repeated stress–a set number of stress reactions programmed into our bodies. My number might be 281000, yours might be 308000, and so on

Finally, although we each have a finite number of stress reactions, no one knows our own quota. If we accept this theory, it would be smart to ask ourselves which situations warrant the expenditure of one of our precious stress reactions. Say the movie you’re going to is sold out.is that worth using up one of your stress reactions? If your preschooler spills his juice, does that warrant a stress reaction? The world starts to look different if we can choose what we allow to upset us. And that is exactly what we can do! (Pgs 40-41).

One additional bonus this book offers is simply the photo on the cover.  Scenic photos such as this one have been studied by psychologists and shown to have a positive effect on stress level (in that levels decrease).  No time to relax, reduce or become more resilient today?  Spend a few moments looking at this picture and practice your deep breathing. 

Several years ago I read something that forever changed the way I thought about stress.  It took a few more years but this very simple question has continued to have an impact on the way I deal with stress. 

David Posen is a Canadian physician who writes and speaks on the topic of stress and it’s effect on his patients.  The question he asked that had such an impact on me was “what if you only had a set number of stress responses, how would you use them?”.  Say you are allotted a specific number of times that you can tax your body through having a serious stress response before your body develops a serious problem, would you use one of those responses when your child spills juice on the new couch, when a tourist cuts you off on a morning you are running late, when your boss gives you an extra shift during the holidays?  The Little Book of Stress Relief  (I have misplaced my copy, or there would be an amazing quote here…now I need to re-read that organizing post…)

So now when something happens and I can feel my temperature rising, my heart starting to pound and the beads of sweat beginning to form, I try to take a minute and a breath and I ask myself “is this worth it”.  Of course you can choose to say YES and reel yourself right up tight, go for it.  But remember you get to choose whether you call out a five alarm fire or you go for a run, write in your journal or call a supportive friend.  Does it work every time?  Not for me, no way, but did it help?  In the immortal words of Sarah Palin…You betcha.  Give it a try see if it works for you.  With stress reduction and resiliency strategies…every little bit helps.

Stress is by far the number one issue my coaching clients want to talk about.  We look at finding ways to reduce their stress and ways to find relief from their stress, but at some point I start a conversation about resiliency to stress.  This is a three point plan I really believe in and I started to develop after years of working as a counsellor with people dealing with debilitating anxiety.  The importance of resiliency is one of the reasons we have seen movements like meditation and yoga begin to thrive again.  The techniques common to both of these practices will increase your bodies ability to deal with stress and help teach you to engage the “heal and repair” system in your body, your para-sympathetic nervous system. 

Today’s question

If I KNOW that yoga or meditating will enhance my ability to deal with stress why don’t I make the time to fit it into my schedule? 

Your resiliency strengths come from self-motivated, self-managed efforts to develop resiliency skills.  Some people who hear or read about ways to become more resilient mistakenly think that the power lies in the recommended method.  The go through the steps in a detached way thinking that the technique will make things better.  Then then things don’t turn out well, they blame the technique for not working.  This is like tossing a can opener at a can of food and then blaming the can opener when the can doesn’t open.

Al Siebert from The Resiliency Advantage: Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure, and Bounce Back from Setbacks

In fact, many of us expect a strategy to work simply because we already know the strategy.  You are probably familiar with the belief that “doctors make the worst patients”?  This belief survives because those of us who have devoted our lives to helping others make changes are often pretty defensive about any failures to make our own.  But I already KNOW that strategy I can hear myself whine after a long day of work.  I have to remind myself that knowing isn’t the same as trying! At the same time, why do I hear Homer Simpson’s voice whining “but trying is the first step towards failure”!  O.k. moving on. 

The Challenge

Finding the time and the energy to make meaningful changes is a challenge.  If you have any doubts that other people have trouble reaching goals just wander around your local books store or check out self help best sellers on-line or flip through the reality television line up.  There is no secret formula that works across the board, try a variety of things and see which strategies are easiest, or the best fit for you.  You might have to try something several times to see if you can make it work. 

The Action

What strategy do you KNOW could work for you if only you would try it?  Why not try that strategy even in some small way today? 

The Commitment

What WILL you do?  Now write it down, tell someone, send it to me in an email, pay for it in advance, anything to help you make it happen.

“Never too soon to panic”.  S.J. Hepworth

My friend Sheila gets the credit for one of my all time favorite quotes.  It always makes me laugh which is the best stress buster around but it also packs a powerful truth, our stress responses can be engaged pretty fast and they aren’t always helpful!  How you react when something goes wrong in your life can significantly affect your health.

Sooo, a mega giant computer software company bundles software with an item that you install.  Then it  crashes your whole system, disables your email and your ability to read, edit or open any documents with out resorting to a $700.00 software upgrade.  To make matters worse your adorable tech support guy is in China on business and the tiny person he leaves you in charge of, misses him so much she wakes at least an hour early all week and holds a moratorium on napping all together!  This is the kind of situation that usually shows off my superior “fly off the handle” skills.  Through the grace of some divine intervention I opted to shelve my ability to worry, rage and panic and the following surprisingly worked better! 

Take a breath

When you start to feel that familiar stress sensation, heat in the face, heart beat beginning to race, sweat and panic, your thoughts about the situation are engaging your sympathetic nervous system.  The system that protects you from danger (fight or flight).  When this system is engaged it’s as if all of your resources either power down to send more teamsters to the front lines, or rev up in order to deal with the danger.  Deep breathing engages your parasympathetic nervous system which calms the nerves and signals them to return to regular function.  Doing this gives you access to your higher level functioning, like you know, rational thought? 

Talk yourself down

Brainstorm possible solutions to your problem, even if you don’t think they will work or be effective.  When we panic nothing but running or freezing seem like viable options.  Use positive and confident language, “I can figure this out”.  “This seems really bad, but before I lose it, I’m going to see if it can be fixed”.  “Getting more stressed out is not going to help me get through this situation”. 

Seek help

Become a person who looks for someone to help rather than someone to blame.  Justice and punishment are actions that should be left to law enforcers.  Unless you absolutely have no other choice the stress response that goes along with say, seeking out the president of a multi billion dollar software company and suing him for your lost day of work and accompanying emotional distress is like winning more pie in a pie eating contest! 

So I’m back on line, thank you to my friend Chris who never seems to get freaked out when something technical goes wrong and he certainly doesn’t waste his time pointing fingers and assigning blame.  His calm, strategic, problem solving even made me forget I was mad.  Bill who? 

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy”.  Nelson Mandela

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it”.  Sydney J. Harris

The Goal

Find a way every day to experience some downtime.

Constant stress:  This is the number one complaint that my clients bring to coaching.  This is serious business because your body requires a certain amount of downtime to repair and re-charge.  Your stress responses are important and healthy when in they occur in response to danger or threat, your body will release hormones that reduce the efficiency of some functions, like your immune system in order to let other functions reach peak performance, like your ability to high tail it out of a bad situation.  While it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we need our immune systems protect ourselves from illness, most of us procrastinate when it comes to our health.  

The Plan

Make a commitment, don’t put it off for one more minute.  Use the time that you are taking to read this post to give your body a break…it won’t be enough but it’s a start. 

Find a quiet spot or take a slow and mindful walk.  If you opt for the quiet spot, sit comfortably and close your eyes or soften your gaze (lower your eyes and don’t try to focus on anything) and breath deeply.  This sends a signal that your “fight or flight” response can take a little break. 

The Inspiration

Loving Kindess Meditation (this is a nice one http://www.care2.com/greenliving/loving-kindness-meditation.html)

Here is a super short version designed to get around the “I don’t have time” excuse!  It can also be very healing as a walking meditation, with slow, reflective, deliberate steps, and breathing deeply:

Turn your intention inside and say:

May I be well

May I be happy

May I be loved

Turn your attention towards others and say:

May you be well

May you be happy

May you be loved

**Hate meditating, too cold or rainy for a walk?  No problem, how do you take a break, a bath, a nap, 20 minutes with your novel?