Thoughts, Essays and Fun from Life Inspired

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor”.  Anne Lamott

Lucky 13 and a day where I look ahead at my week.  As I think back on the challenge I realize that the goal has not been perfection but knowledge.  An analysis of what works and what doesn’t, what went well and what could be improved upon.  A SWOT analysis if you like.  While Albert Humphrey may have developed this strategic planning method to help companies move forward it can be useful as we face the final days of our 21 day challenge.  Consider your goals and how you have endeavoured to achieve them.  Pull out your journal or open a new word document and answer these questions, loosely based on the system developed at Stanford University. 

Strengths - What are yours?  How have they been helpful as you tried to do something important?  How could you call upon them even more in the week to come?

Weaknesses - Where have you had difficulty?  Where have you stood in your own way?

Opportunities - What outside events, people, places have been helpful to you?  Are there external resources you could use more fully? 

Threats - What or who has stood in your way?  Are there people in your life who do not want you to achieve your goals?  Are there people or things who seem to sabotage your success?

As you look over your responses what stands out?  If you could choose one small way to move forward what would it be?  How could you use this information to get back on track, stay inspired or make even more progress toward your goal?

“Never too soon to panic”.  S.J. Hepworth

My friend Sheila gets the credit for one of my all time favorite quotes.  It always makes me laugh which is the best stress buster around but it also packs a powerful truth, our stress responses can be engaged pretty fast and they aren’t always helpful!  How you react when something goes wrong in your life can significantly affect your health.

Sooo, a mega giant computer software company bundles software with an item that you install.  Then it  crashes your whole system, disables your email and your ability to read, edit or open any documents with out resorting to a $700.00 software upgrade.  To make matters worse your adorable tech support guy is in China on business and the tiny person he leaves you in charge of, misses him so much she wakes at least an hour early all week and holds a moratorium on napping all together!  This is the kind of situation that usually shows off my superior “fly off the handle” skills.  Through the grace of some divine intervention I opted to shelve my ability to worry, rage and panic and the following surprisingly worked better! 

Take a breath

When you start to feel that familiar stress sensation, heat in the face, heart beat beginning to race, sweat and panic, your thoughts about the situation are engaging your sympathetic nervous system.  The system that protects you from danger (fight or flight).  When this system is engaged it’s as if all of your resources either power down to send more teamsters to the front lines, or rev up in order to deal with the danger.  Deep breathing engages your parasympathetic nervous system which calms the nerves and signals them to return to regular function.  Doing this gives you access to your higher level functioning, like you know, rational thought? 

Talk yourself down

Brainstorm possible solutions to your problem, even if you don’t think they will work or be effective.  When we panic nothing but running or freezing seem like viable options.  Use positive and confident language, “I can figure this out”.  “This seems really bad, but before I lose it, I’m going to see if it can be fixed”.  “Getting more stressed out is not going to help me get through this situation”. 

Seek help

Become a person who looks for someone to help rather than someone to blame.  Justice and punishment are actions that should be left to law enforcers.  Unless you absolutely have no other choice the stress response that goes along with say, seeking out the president of a multi billion dollar software company and suing him for your lost day of work and accompanying emotional distress is like winning more pie in a pie eating contest! 

So I’m back on line, thank you to my friend Chris who never seems to get freaked out when something technical goes wrong and he certainly doesn’t waste his time pointing fingers and assigning blame.  His calm, strategic, problem solving even made me forget I was mad.  Bill who? 

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy”.  Nelson Mandela

Yay!  It’s the weekend; let’s slack off, we deserve a break right?  OR we could use the weekend as a time to get revived, rejuvenated and re-motivated!  Instead of thinking of the weekend as a break, consider instead the huge rewards of reaching your goal.  Let’s say your goal is to build in time each week to have a date with yourself.  3 hours just for you, time to think your own thoughts, make your art, play, workout, whatever will re-fill your well.  In fact…a real and lasting break!  A break from feeling exhausted, a break from feeling defeated, a break from feeling like your habits define you, a break from the negative effects of stress. 

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last.  Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily”.  - Zig Zigler

Grab your journal and find a nice clean page.  Make a heading…What will motivate me today?  Free associate, write anything that comes to mind, draw pictures, stick in pages from magazines, write down quotes, song lyrics, book titles, people, anything that you can use to get yourself going again. 

Chose one thing that you can do even for just 10 minutes.  Enjoy your weekend, even if it is not time off, try to find something that you can do that brings you enjoyment that does not interfer with your goal.  We are half way there!  Way to go, see you tomorrow.

“Everything in the world must have design or the human mind rejects it. But in addition it must have purpose or the human conscience shies away from it.” John Steinbeck, Travels With Charley

Do you ever start a project just to find that the project itself seems to grow as you work?  I’m one of those people who gets really inspired and pulls everything from drawers and closets and puts it all in one big pile.  I feel strong and powerful as I set out to organize all that falls into my path.  Well, this is true until all the “unpacking” is finished.  As it looms, every other task on my to-do list seems more interesting and important.  I putter around uselessly, picking up things and putting them down or noticing that the windows could really be washed.  I know it is almost all over when I begin to dream that someone from one of those organizing shows will knock on my door and lead me through the overwhelming process that I’ve begun.  I sit defeated, surrounded by treasures, garbage, things that belong to other people and things I don’t even remember purchasing and no one comes to save me from myself.

If I’m feeling especially sharp I can even convince myself that organizing is overrated and that my disorganization is probably positively correlated to my productivity and creativity!

“One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” A. A. Milne

While this can be exciting, being surprised about where my house keys are every day is a bit of a drag and a total waste of time and energy.  Clearly I’m no expert on de-cluttering so I won’t attempt to compete with the pros here but I have 2 strategies that are usually enough to get me going and keep me on task.  They might also serve you if you are procrastinating on your goal using cleaning or de-cluttering.  (I can’t write because my desk is a mess…sound familiar?)

1.  Hide the pile.  Seriously, most of us are very visual, so a huge pile of tax receipts, winter and summer clothes, office files or kitchen cupboards can be so un-motivating and intimidating that we just want to go back to bed.  So shove it all out of site and…

2.  Start small.  Choose to sort for one type of item.  Maybe you want to hunt in the big pile for clothes that can be given away, things that don’t belong in that room (put them all in a big laundry basket and put it out of site, just outside the door of the room you are working in).  You can pluck away at this over a few hours, or in shorter increments of time, and the pile will get smaller.  Really!

The benefit of the hide the pile strategy is that if you are really legitimately interrupted you have not left your home or office in a terrible state.  The drawback of the hide the pile strategy is that you might just forget about it all together.  But hey maybe that’s not so bad either.

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares, why should you?” Erma Bombeck

“It’s frustrating to believe that peace is some distant goal attainable only by a few fortunate souls blessed with good genes, superior brain chemistry, plenty of money, or a calling as a monk.  But peace has not deserted even the crankiest and busiest among us.  The most basic fact about being human is that peace is in our own true nature, our fundamental state of mind.  There’s a Buddhist saying that peace is like a sun that’s always shining in your heart.  It’s just hidden behind clouds of fear, doubt, worry and desire that continually orient you toward the past or the future.  The sun comes out only when you’re in the present moment”.  Joan Borysenko “Inner Peace for Busy People”. 

Inner Peace for Busy People

I’ll be with you in a moment, a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips, moment to moment, wait a moment, take a moment, I need a moment; how can we make the most of our moments?

Walk on the sunny side

Life is made up of a collection of moments, while some moments are beyond your control; how those moments are strung together and interpreted is up to you.  Some days we think “everything went wrong” other days are interpreted as “good days”, the real truth is likely that both days had moments that make you want to go back to bed and moments that are neutral or good.  If you are really struggling, you might need to make small moments of kindness even more important, more powerful, the focus of more of your attention.  Focus on the flight attendant who was especially helpful rather than the character next to you who has confused a red eye flight with a sleazy pick up joint.  Think of how nice she was to you as he leers and flirts while spilling his 5th vodka and sticky cranberry juice on your only outfit as your luggage didn’t make the connection! 

“When you feel crazy busy, try taking a breath, and let go of whatever is on your mind.  Think, here I am.  Let your body relax, and feel your connection to the larger whole.  This is not an easy task, but it becomes more and more possible with practice.  Here you are.  The possibilities for joy are all around you.  Joan Borysenko, “Inner Peace for Busy People”. 

Yesterday my moment came from turning off the baby monitor for 2 minutes, which didn’t feel particularly zen or kind, but did feel necissary.  I know it can be hard, if you want some additional motivation try Joan’s book, she also has tapes.  Check her out at www.joanborysenko.comThe book I have used today as inpiration for this post is one of my favorites because it is written in 52 short chapters which is realistic for busy, tired people. 

Too busy to read?  Try this little strategy all you have to do is count to 5

Take a deep breath in for 5 counts, hold it for 5 counts and let it out slowly for at least 5 counts.  Do this 5 times. 

Thank you for taking a moment with me this morning.

 If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another. Yiddish Proverb

Excuse busting

An excuse is just a justification with evidence?  “I can’t do this today and here are the reasons 1.  no time 2 no energy 3 no help”. 

The dilema

Spending too much time on excuses gives them a lot of power, while not allowing yourself to acknowledge your challenges can leave you feeling unvalidated and silenced.  So when the urge to give into your excuses strikes try injecting a little balance.

Be honest about how you are feeling without drawing a conclusion about what that means

Instead of: I’m too tired to go to the gym tonight

Try: I feel tired and drained and I would love to go to bed

Don’t argue or disagree with yourself, just because it is an excuse doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. 

Instead of: Don’t be ridiculous other people have it much harder, I’m just being lazy.

Try: I am so tired, it was a hard day, I’ll think about how good I’ll feel when I get home from the gym, I’ll probably even have a better sleep

Be compassionatewithout sabatoging yourself

Instead of: This isn’t going to work, I’m too tired after work, this goal is too big, take the night off

Try: I’ll re-assess this goal tomorrow and see if I need to make a change, but for tonight I’ll get myself all ready to go, change into my workout clothes, drive to the gym, go inside and if I’m still really too tired to work out I’ll get myself a hot tea and read my book in a cafe for 1/2 an hour

Respect the power of your mind

“Whether you believe you can or you can’t you are right”.  Henry Ford  

“We can do anything we want to do if we stick to it long enough”.  Helen Keller

I hope you took a bit of a break yesterday because it’s a new week and time to get excited about your goal again.  Need a little extra help getting motivated keep reading?  We have almost been at it a week so for most people it is time for a new surge of motivation, an added push. 

And what a push it is!  What do you get when you mix Yale University professors, an interactive website and the concepts of public accountability and tough consequences?  www.stickk.com is not your average get a goal, read newsletters, kind of site.  It has an added kicker which I think is really clever.  Based on 2 solid principles of behaviour economics which are 1) people don’t always do what they say they will do and 2) incentives get people going, stickk is designed to give you the motivation you need to succeed. 

Now you might be asking; “What do you mean consequence”?  Well I’m glad you asked, have a look at their site but here is a run down of the basic principles.  

You set your goal, decide whether to make your goal public to site users, or to specific people you want to invite to check in on your progress, you log in and write about whether or not you have done what you said you would do, and get this, you can assign a certain amount of money to be donated to a charity or here is the risky part, you can design the program so that your money will be donated to what they call an anti charity if you do not keep your promise to yourself. 

The added kicker?  They already have your money, if you decide to set financial stakes you pay up front!  Now that’s SMART.  Want to know more?  Check them out at https://www.stickk.com/  Here is what they say about themselves. 

Ready to finally stickK to your commitments? Then stand up, and put your reputation, or even your money, where your mouth is, and change your life. Reap the rewards of your hard work.

This sounds like free coaching?

It has a lot of the same benefits!  So if you are on the fence about whether or not to try coaching, or you are worried about the expense why not try this first? 

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it”.  Sydney J. Harris

The Goal

Find a way every day to experience some downtime.

Constant stress:  This is the number one complaint that my clients bring to coaching.  This is serious business because your body requires a certain amount of downtime to repair and re-charge.  Your stress responses are important and healthy when in they occur in response to danger or threat, your body will release hormones that reduce the efficiency of some functions, like your immune system in order to let other functions reach peak performance, like your ability to high tail it out of a bad situation.  While it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we need our immune systems protect ourselves from illness, most of us procrastinate when it comes to our health.  

The Plan

Make a commitment, don’t put it off for one more minute.  Use the time that you are taking to read this post to give your body a break…it won’t be enough but it’s a start. 

Find a quiet spot or take a slow and mindful walk.  If you opt for the quiet spot, sit comfortably and close your eyes or soften your gaze (lower your eyes and don’t try to focus on anything) and breath deeply.  This sends a signal that your “fight or flight” response can take a little break. 

The Inspiration

Loving Kindess Meditation (this is a nice one http://www.care2.com/greenliving/loving-kindness-meditation.html)

Here is a super short version designed to get around the “I don’t have time” excuse!  It can also be very healing as a walking meditation, with slow, reflective, deliberate steps, and breathing deeply:

Turn your intention inside and say:

May I be well

May I be happy

May I be loved

Turn your attention towards others and say:

May you be well

May you be happy

May you be loved

**Hate meditating, too cold or rainy for a walk?  No problem, how do you take a break, a bath, a nap, 20 minutes with your novel? 

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?  ~Satchel Paige

The Goal

To live a healthier, more vital and hopefully, longer life.

The Plan

1.  Walk 30 minutes per day…every day

2.  Floss and brush your teeth

3.  Drink green tea and lots of water

4.  Take pills (not valley of the dolls pills, but stuff like omega 3 and vitamins)

5.  Get your zzzs

6.  Meditate for 5 minutes

The Inspiration

If months of sitting on the couch watching “last 10 lbs boot camp” and “the biggest loser” haven’t done anything to budge that cute little muffin top then try logging on to www.realage.com.  Rather than setting flat, uninspired goals like lose 5lbs, the focus is on a longer and healthier life.  The aha moment for me came when reading the free report, especially the assertion that 2 inches off the middle could mean as much as 2 additional years with my family!  Maybe this is true and maybe it isn’t but it was just the encouragement I needed to get moving.  I can’t say that I manage all 6 every day, but I like that way that Dr.s Oz (of Oprah fame) and Roizen, make their suggestions realistic.  Meditate for 5 minutes?  Much more palatable than trying to find an hour a day. 

The book (but the website is free)
You: Staying Young: The Owner’s Manual for Extending Your Warranty

What’s with the book sales?

These are called “affiliate links” and generally it means that if you buy a book from chasing a link from a blog or website like mine the owner of the site makes a percentage, usually 4-6%.  I donate all proceeds to www.stephenlewisfoundation.org which provides funding towards grass roots efforts for women, orphans, grandmothers and people living with HIV and AIDS in sub-Saharan countries.