Today a card arrived from my step mother and I read it and thought awww, to myself and then got ready to set it down somewhere.  But then I read it again, actually read it and now I thought I would pay some extra attention to the extra attention I’m getting (which sometimes makes me feel pretty shy) and let it really sink in.

The card says

Happy Birthday Robin

Thinking of you and feeling grateful you’re in the world…making it kinder, a little nicer and a lot more wonderful.

Awww, blush, thank you…thank you…thank you…

May you let something wonderful sink in today; accept a kind word, a gift, a thoughtful gesture and just accept it and say Thanks and know you deserve it!

From my perspective a lot of coaching coaches is about telling people what they want to hear; like quit your job, or raise your fees, or make a client make a committement on the phone, the list goes on….but today I was listening to a webinar and heard the WORST most unethical piece of advice I have ever heard given to an up and coming coaching professional.

A woman asked the well known coach if she could only afford to buy one of his products, because she had already spent ALL of her money and maxed out all but one credit card, should she buy the Coaching program (i.e. learning the skills of coaching) or should she buy the program about how to sell a client on her services.  He said to her, buy the product to learn how to sell someone on your services and then when you have his money learn how to be a coach!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you friggen kidding me?  Wow.  I mean I really liked my coaching program at Erickson College but never have I been so grateful for their ethical and comprehensive approach to working with clients.  Thank you to Marilyn and the gang for never forgetting that the work is about the client; their needs; wishes and desires; not about the coaches need for making more money in less time. www.erickson.edu

In the coming weeks and months Francoise (www.compassionfatigue.ca) and myself are going to put together more resources for people who want to run values based businesses.  There is no need to starve or not be paid well for the good work you do, but people, let’s not forget that this is supposed to be about THEM right? www.dreambigstartsmall.com

O.k. this is kind of a rant, but I hadn’t written for a while and was inspired today.

You know you are a gardener when...

I was at a friends house last week and while I waited for her to open the door I found myself weeding her front garden.  Now that might not sound so strange to you but I spent most of my life telling people that I had a black thumb, meaning that I could kill a plan just by looking at it.

Every time Francoise (www.compassionfatigue.ca) and I ran a workshop on Vicarious trauma, self care and burnout, when we got to the part where we had the group brainstorm ways to take good care of themselves at least half of the group would mention gardening.  Like a good facilitator I nodded and smiled and wrote it down, all the while thinking…WHAT??  How could anyone want to do that after a long day at work?

Finally after years of letting the lovely garden that came with my house (Francoise’s old house) fallow and grow into something that could only be seen in a story about Sleeping Beauty, I started with one 2×2 area to plant some herbs.  While I couldn’t garden, I did love to cook.  Wow, you would think I had invented a cure for world hunger by the way I could work that herb garden into almost every conversation.  Wow, that reminds me of last night when I was picking fresh basil from my herb garden.  Or did you know that planting mint near the house keeps ants away?

Seriously…so this year seeing the fruits of my labour last spring and fall burst their dear little heads from my weedy yet well mulched soil has me thinking.  Of course helping professionals love to garden, we can actually see the benefit of our hard work!  While there are set backs like virulent weeds, slugs, bugs, inclement weather, partial shade, squirrels, you can triumph and through back breaking hard work, sweat, luck and sometimes in the case of my roses, neglect, manage to see success and beauty in a way that sometimes doesn’t come through our work.

Thank you to all of you who for 10 years held up gardening as the dominant self care ritual.  And all along I thought it was a massage.  Until I realized that massage therapists love to talk to me about their own compassion fatigue, but that is another post.  The silence and beauty of my garden is a prayer and a blessing, thank you thank you thank you.

I was thinking there would be about 15 of you, I made 30 handouts just in case and there were 50 of you at my last count.  Thank you for bearing the heat and for those of you who didn’t have a place to sit and didn’t get a hand out I want to make it up to you by providing you with the workbook.  There are two ways to get a copy of the workbook; send me an email robin@lifeinspired.ca or sign up for the newsletter at www.dreambigstartsmall.com and you will also receive other resources as we get them finished.

WE?  While not quite an official launch, I’m standing at a tiny table as the internet cable won’t reach the bed or a place to sit down; BUT I am thrilled to announce that I managed to talk my former business partner and private practice diva Francoise Mathieu into playing with me again.  We are putting together more resources for those of you who have been asking for help with your private practices or workshop businesses.  If  you are interested please see www.dreambigstartsmall.com.  Isn’t it time to get that dusty dream off the shelf!

Again thank you for attending yesterday I had a great time.  R

Keeping yourself inspired and linked into good things happening around the world is good protection against occupational hazards like Compassion Fatigue, Vicarious Trauma and Cumulative Stress.  Those of us who work with people who have experienced terrible pain need to continually remind ourselves of the positive aspects of humanity and the resilience of the human spirit.

“I have nothing left to give when I come home to my family. I am always rushing, I am always falling short and I loose my temper so easily and then spend the rest of the night feeling guilty”.

“I want to start my own business but I’m so burnt out from my current work that I never make the time”.

“I used to love my job but now I keep getting caught up in negative office politics and feel like I’m lost in a toxic workplace”.

“I’ve lost confidence in my ability to help others and have lost hope in people’s ability to change”.

“I hate my job but feel trapped and too exhausted to try anything new”.

“How can I help others if I feel so lost myself”

If you recognize yourself in any of the statements above you may be suffering from complications of burnout, which are a result of unrelenting and continual stress. If you are in the helping professions you may have the added dimension of compassion fatigue and/or vicarious trauma.

We spend a great deal of our time at work. Once you include commuting time, and the proliferation of electronic means of contact, such as blackberry’s, pagers, cell phones, email, we rarely “turn off” our work mode and consequently have much less down time.

Speaking of down time, we even work while on vacation. While the numbers vary, as many as 1 in 2 workers check their work voice mail and email while on vacation. Lay offs, downsizing, fewer federal dollars, all add up to more work being done by fewer people. Nearly 1 in 3 Canadians have reported most workdays to be “quite” or “extremely stressful”. MOST workdays! So what does that mean?

Work related stress, career strain, work/life imbalance, compassion fatigue, occupational hazards, occupational pressures, vicarious trauma, burnout; no matter what you call it there are serious side effects if left untreated. Chronic stress leads to physical, emotional and psychological symptoms. (See Coaching page for a list of symptoms).

I work with my clients to reduce current stress inputs, to implement realistic stress relief strategies and to enhance their stress resiliency in order to make them more resistant to future occurrences of burnout.

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it. ~Attributed to both Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris

My family on Long Beach, BC

If I could have tweeted and added a picture you would have seen yours truly dancing on stage like it was 1992!  Seriously, it was too much fun, but sadly it isn’t 1992, so that meant we made it back to our lovely bed and breakfast in time to fall asleep in front of Saturday night live, the shame!

Even one night away, walking unfamiliar city blocks, enjoying new restaurants and sleeping in a new place (and of course not walking up early to the demands of an enthusiastic toddler, was a very restorative experience.

Highlights:

The 2004 Rioja and the tapas at Elements on King

The catfish at Hot Belly Mama’s on George street

All the seeing and being seen at Kubo Lounge (and I got to try a Lebanese red, very nice)

The King Bethune Guest House and Spa

Throw in a free zoo, complete with great play areas, splash park and monkeys and I’m thinking this city at the base of the Kawartha’s is a total gem.

It is April and at the University and to put it mildly it’s a big month, it is not the time of the year when I recommend “striking a healthy balance” to my clients.  They are job seeking, saying goodbye to friends, dealing with family pressures, completing huge projects and trying to prepare for exams.  My motto for April is “Eat, Sleep, Breath”  (Thank you to Brenda M for this life line).

Balance is a relationship between our lives and our health, in order for the relationship to be healthy and fulfilling, it needs attention and respect but can not require constant nurturing.  Hey, if you can do that, excellent, but for most of us it just isn’t practical to tell a child that this is not her week to get sick. So how can we attract a better balance?  Here are a few ideas.

1.  Do your best.  What absolutely needs to be attended to today, this week, this month? Prioritize one personal goal, make it small and manageable.  (10 minute walk 3 times this week, buy a bag of apples and eat one every day on the way to work, say no to one thing that you don’t want to do, read one chapter of a book you have been eager to read).

2.  Make a plan.  I always tell me clients “your body is wise.  If you tell it that you’ll take care of it soon, it may believe you for a while but if you never follow through on your promises there will be trouble!”  If you have been promising that you will start an evening walk, take a nap, go to yoga, book a massage, even if you can’t do it this week, book it.

3.  Respect yourself.  My clients fulfill their responsibilities to others with a fierce tenacity.  They use their energy to serve others even when it might be personally disadvantageous.  Let’s turn this into a positive, you have the ability to set goals and keep your promises!  Find a way to set and keep an important promise to yourself with the same level of respect you would show others.  You may need an accountability partner for this one.  Tell someone your goal, ask them to follow up with you, a counsellor or a life coach can provide this service for you if you cannot find another source of inspiration.

4.  Give yourself a break.  Maybe you are doing better than you think.  Try this exercise, it’s a life balance wheel and it’s a useful tool for taking stock of your current satisfaction with several areas of your life.

life-balance-wheel-and-instructions1

A Life Balance Wheel is a subjective, self assessment tool to help you take a snap shot of your current level of satisfaction in different areas of your life.  There are many ways to use this wheel, if you google “life balance wheel” you will find ideas about how other life coaches use the wheel.  You may even come up with your own ideas (those are by far the best ones).

I often ask clients, “which area would be the easiest” for you to make a change.  It is a natural instinct to choose the hardest and start there but that can create feelings of frustration and many people find it so overwhelming to approach their most difficult area of life that they get overwhelmed and give up.

If you choose an area you would like to work on you can make a new wheel (or pie) and make 8 new headings within that category.  For example, if you chose job, what are the different areas of your job that feel important?  Then you can make goals in each category.

Job - break up into segments (co-workers, client work, office environment, paper work, professional development, lunch time, getting to work, pay, etc).  Some of the areas may be easier to affect then others.  Chose an area you feel you could make a small change to and set a goal.  Take paper work as an example, I started taking notes during sessions, they are not as neat let me tell you, but they are pretty good and the upside is that I’m never behind in my files and I can also give the client a copy to take away with them, so that they have a (slightly hard to read) written account of all of the strategies, road blocks and strengths that we came up with in session.

This is a subjective tool because we are all unique and what has worked for me may not work for you.  Let me know if you have a good idea I could share with other readers and I’ll post it.  Have a wonderful weekend.

The amount of stress faced by a college/university student these days is unbelievable.  This stress compared to the cultural idea that being a student is a breeze means that students often feel like their problems are not taken very seriously which can lead to further feelings of isolation and despair.

While my clients at the University are all different, there are themes that come up again and again, and I thought I would try to create a resource of articles and strategies in a section of this blog for students who are feeling like something needs to change.  If there is something you would like me to post about please send an email with your question to robin@lifeinspired.ca and I’ll do my best to either write about it myself or refer you to a good resource.

Wishing you much joy and a fulfilling life beyond school.

Becoming inspired again is often the goal they bring to our sessions.  This inspired me this morning and I wanted to share it with you. 

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/hans_rosling_reveals_new_insights_on_poverty.html