Books

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. Mother Theresa
Being inspired to give back is a timely subject today as the holiday season approaches and Monday December 1st is World Aids Day.  Charities such as The Stephen Lewis Foundation ask people to consider donating a day’s wages to the cause.
Today’s question is How can we make a contribution inspires us, serves others and doesn’t exacerbate our day to day stress.  People who are happy tend to do volunteer work, people who are burnt out tend to do volunteer work. So what gives? Giving back offers immeasurable benefits but it can also be an added source of stress for people who spend too much of their time helping others. An imbalance occurs that the body tries to rectify, often the body redresses this imbalance by creating a serious health concern which can hamper a person’s ability to work at all (stress leaves are dramatically on the rise).

Most of my coaching clients are in the helping industry (including nurses, counsellors/counselors, social workers, family lawyers, or students in these professions).  Helping others seems to be built into their DNA and most of them strongly value volunteer work.

When a helper wants to journey toward healing the wounds of vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue or burnout we look closely at all the areas of his/her life where trauma is the subject.  Many helpers volunteer in the same area that they do their paid work, for example, consider the shelter worker who volunteers for a sexual assualt crisis line on the weekends.  She also cares for young children and aging parents.  As part of the work we do together I might ask a client in this position to consider scaling back volunteer efforts in the short term so the healing can begin and she can regain her sense of hope and contribution.

This doesn’t mean that your efforts to change the world need to cease, perhaps just re-directed.  How about finding a new and interesting way to contribute?  There are so many possibilities, what about doing something completely different then what you do for paid work.  How about helping out in a classroom like my friend Elspeth does with www.seedsofempathy.org or become a “whoofer” and work on an organic farm www.wwoof.org or adopt a child through an organization like www.worldvision.ca, join the food drive once or twice a year and take your family with you rather than spending your evenings volunteering all year.  I make a charitable donation each time I take on a new client and for holiday gifts ask for donations to a cause we believe in.

The message is about balance and wellness, take care of yourself and then take care of others.  Yes just like the oxygen mask on the airplane, it is an overused analogy but a good one.  If you are travelling with a child and the oxygen masks need to be used you must put yours on first so that you have the energy to help your small companion.

In what ways are you inspired to give back?  How can you celebrate the contributions you have already made to making this world a better place?  Don’t forget about the love and support you offer in your own small circle, every act of kindness is a charitable act.

If you want to read more about what research shows makes people happy try this fantastic book by Martin Seligman. All proceeds from any book sales generated from my site or my blog are donated to www.stephenlewisfoundation.org

Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment

Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. - Hans Selye

You might be wondering, why are most of these posts about stress if the 21 day challenge is about setting and reaching goals?  It’s because the number 1 reason people give for not being successful is …. you guessed it, STRESS. 

So finding ways to reduce stress and increase our stress relieving and resiliency strategies will help us reach our important goals that are often left to linger on the back burner.  One way my stress was relieved today came in the form of an email and an act of kindness.  A client typed out the quote I was looking for from her own copy of “the little book of stress relief”.  And so in order to pay that act of kindness forward I will include it here in this post. 

First, what if our bodies were programmed to withstand or experience a set number of stress reactions over our lifetime, and when we exceeded that number, our bodies would be overwhelmed and pack it in and die? The idea has a certain logic to it. Think of a car motor. After a certain number of piston thrusts, motors just wear out. It’s not all that big a leap to think that our bodies have a finite capacity as well–after so many heartbeats, so much wear and tear, our time would be up.

The second part of the theory is that each of us has a different capacity to withstand repeated stress–a set number of stress reactions programmed into our bodies. My number might be 281000, yours might be 308000, and so on

Finally, although we each have a finite number of stress reactions, no one knows our own quota. If we accept this theory, it would be smart to ask ourselves which situations warrant the expenditure of one of our precious stress reactions. Say the movie you’re going to is sold out.is that worth using up one of your stress reactions? If your preschooler spills his juice, does that warrant a stress reaction? The world starts to look different if we can choose what we allow to upset us. And that is exactly what we can do! (Pgs 40-41).

One additional bonus this book offers is simply the photo on the cover.  Scenic photos such as this one have been studied by psychologists and shown to have a positive effect on stress level (in that levels decrease).  No time to relax, reduce or become more resilient today?  Spend a few moments looking at this picture and practice your deep breathing. 

Several years ago I read something that forever changed the way I thought about stress.  It took a few more years but this very simple question has continued to have an impact on the way I deal with stress. 

David Posen is a Canadian physician who writes and speaks on the topic of stress and it’s effect on his patients.  The question he asked that had such an impact on me was “what if you only had a set number of stress responses, how would you use them?”.  Say you are allotted a specific number of times that you can tax your body through having a serious stress response before your body develops a serious problem, would you use one of those responses when your child spills juice on the new couch, when a tourist cuts you off on a morning you are running late, when your boss gives you an extra shift during the holidays?  The Little Book of Stress Relief  (I have misplaced my copy, or there would be an amazing quote here…now I need to re-read that organizing post…)

So now when something happens and I can feel my temperature rising, my heart starting to pound and the beads of sweat beginning to form, I try to take a minute and a breath and I ask myself “is this worth it”.  Of course you can choose to say YES and reel yourself right up tight, go for it.  But remember you get to choose whether you call out a five alarm fire or you go for a run, write in your journal or call a supportive friend.  Does it work every time?  Not for me, no way, but did it help?  In the immortal words of Sarah Palin…You betcha.  Give it a try see if it works for you.  With stress reduction and resiliency strategies…every little bit helps.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?  ~Satchel Paige

The Goal

To live a healthier, more vital and hopefully, longer life.

The Plan

1.  Walk 30 minutes per day…every day

2.  Floss and brush your teeth

3.  Drink green tea and lots of water

4.  Take pills (not valley of the dolls pills, but stuff like omega 3 and vitamins)

5.  Get your zzzs

6.  Meditate for 5 minutes

The Inspiration

If months of sitting on the couch watching “last 10 lbs boot camp” and “the biggest loser” haven’t done anything to budge that cute little muffin top then try logging on to www.realage.com.  Rather than setting flat, uninspired goals like lose 5lbs, the focus is on a longer and healthier life.  The aha moment for me came when reading the free report, especially the assertion that 2 inches off the middle could mean as much as 2 additional years with my family!  Maybe this is true and maybe it isn’t but it was just the encouragement I needed to get moving.  I can’t say that I manage all 6 every day, but I like that way that Dr.s Oz (of Oprah fame) and Roizen, make their suggestions realistic.  Meditate for 5 minutes?  Much more palatable than trying to find an hour a day. 

The book (but the website is free)
You: Staying Young: The Owner’s Manual for Extending Your Warranty

What’s with the book sales?

These are called “affiliate links” and generally it means that if you buy a book from chasing a link from a blog or website like mine the owner of the site makes a percentage, usually 4-6%.  I donate all proceeds to www.stephenlewisfoundation.org which provides funding towards grass roots efforts for women, orphans, grandmothers and people living with HIV and AIDS in sub-Saharan countries.

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.  ~William Wordsworth

Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very;” your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.  ~Mark Twain

What is the difference between a good goal and a great goal?  A great goal has great meaning. 

The challenge for today is to dig deep and figure out what reaching this goal will give you that is even more meaningful and important than the goal itself. 

Put it down on paper.  To give your goal an added edge start keeping a log or a journal about your progress, struggles, obstacles and today use it to answer a few of these questions.  Let’s use the goal of becoming more organized by spending 15 minutes per day de-cluttering, as an example. 

a) What will becoming more organized give me that I don’t have now?

b) How will it feel to come home to a house that is clutter free, organized and peaceful?

c) Who could I be if I had a home that felt peaceful and organized?

d) Who else will benefit from this?

Still feeling blah and uninspired?  Now write down everything you have to lose by not reaching your goal. 

If this does happen to be your goal check out http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow_20081029_messy as she has a “clean up your messy house” challenge on right now. 

O.K. I have a confession to make.  I’m stuck!  I got so excited about this challenge that I forgot to take my own advice, I picked a date I thought would work without ever running it through my own schedule. Does this ever happen to you?  You book a meeting just to realize that is the day you scheduled a few hours off, or you agree to a dinner party and then remember that you are always totally bagged on Friday nights after a long week of work, or you finally book that massage or night out and then notice the big red circle on your calendar that says “parent teacher night”? 

There will always be reasons not to exercise, take time for yourself, write your novel, go back to school, or update your resume. 

Today, I willed inspiration to come to me…I waited and waited and waited.  It was during a conversation with a young student who was also waiting for motivation to strike that I realized that we can get ourselves into big trouble when we wait until we feel like doing something.  During this waiting period our inner critics can kick up a lot of excuses and convince us to give up all together. 

So whenever you run into trouble scale back, make it manageable, work out for just 5 minutes, eat one apple, write 1 word, don’t bite one nail, open your school books. 

Employ a “micro movement” a realistic and fun plan for getting started on a big goal which comes from the wildly creative SARK and her book ”Make Your Creative Dreams Real: A plan for procrastinators, perfectionists, busy people, avoiders and people who would rather sleep all day”. 

 Writers write, athletes work out, helpers help, parents parent…even when we don’t feel like it.  Even your smallest efforts can make a difference. 

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.- Mother Teresa