O.K. let’s just get this over with, the first post on a brand new blog on a brand new website. Drumming my fingers and procrastinating isn’t getting it written any faster. Writers block isn’t what I have, I write a lot, in fact I love to write, it’s publishing block that I suffer from.
I write today with a long time “friend” and companion, call her my inner critic, my gremlin, but whatever you call her, she is a genius at pointing out flaws and coming up with worst case scenarios. She chatters and whispers and sometimes yells complaints, criticisms and worries. If they gave out medals for pointing out potential problems, I’m not saying she could take the gold but she would have a pretty good shot at the podium. Hold on, she is yelling that I spelled that wrong. But I have a spell checker I growl back, still she says, you should learn how to spell. O.k. I digress, another thing that she’ll harass me about later.
Why is this important enough to write about? Most of the clients I work with, in both coaching and counselling, at some point get tangled up in the negative chatter of their own inner critics. Many of my clients have cruel, demanding, punitive inner critics, others suffer from critics who are always fearful, while others face a constant and critical analysis of everything they do and say. People arrive to coaching exhausted from fighting, some decide it isn’t worth fighting because the critic is right or too strong or worse they don’t even notice the critic, they just believe that is how they think!
There are lots of great strategies for taming the inner critic, befriending the inner critic, doing whatever would serve you best, you may have to try many until you find some that work. Here are a few of my favorites.
1. Expose him/her: write down everything that little critter says for an hour, a day, a week, whatever you can manage. Most critics like to live in the dark where they can be their most creepy, intimidating selves. Think of the Great and Powerful Oz, he was so scary behind that curtain.
2. Try not to argue with the critic, he/she has a lot of experience of getting the better of you, the critic probably isn’t the most rational of your inner resources anyway. Scientists have also discovered that as we become stressed our IQ actually drops about 10 points. Talk about an unfair advantage for the critic! (See The Brain that Changes itself by Norman Doidge, M.D.)
3. Figure out what the critic really wants. This is how many of my clients discovered that their nagging, sneering, demeaning critic, was actually just really scared that the sky was going to fall. Every decision that they try to make is seen as a possible end to the world. This type of critic may be like a very young child, if a child said to you “I think that a monster is going to come out from under my bed tonight”, you likely wouldn’t run screaming from the room yelling, A MONSTER, A MONSTER, OMG, IT’S COMING TO GET US. You would comfort your youngster. Sometimes this works with the critic. In fact, for some, a critic can become a trusted resource, but only when asked to provide advice on subjects they know something about. For example, “critic, make me a list of all the possible reasons that my new business could fail”.
4. Consider the source. Just like in strategy number 3, we often take advice from people without really checking out their credentials. For example, when getting ready for a blind date, does your great aunt Murtle really know “what all the young people are wearing these days”? Hey maybe she does, way to go Aunt Murtle! Put your critic through a credential check, if the critic really won’t settle down, seek out someone who does know something about what you are setting out to do.
Finally, this blog is a tribute to what inspires us, what motivates us to change, what helps us get through the hard times. The more I focus my attention on these things, the less my little critic has to say. Although she will always wish that I was a better speller.
If you are interested in more on the critic try:
Taming your Gremlin by Rick Carson. It’s a great, lighthearted little book that can bring you serious results. He also has a cool website www.tamingyourgremlin.com
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (no relation, but a fantastic book) She also has a site with some nifty tools. www.theartistsway.com
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. There are lots of great books out there about how to be a better writer, but this is by far my favorite. Anne’s sense of humour about the process and her self depreciating way of looking at her struggles and flaws makes her intensely likable.
